


Dear Min Ho and Mi Cha

by sourpatchedkid



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: EXO - Freeform, M/M, One of the twins die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:55:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18497500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourpatchedkid/pseuds/sourpatchedkid
Summary: A part of the tweetfic by @__jonginnie (yes, those are two underscores)





	Dear Min Ho and Mi Cha

“It’s okay, sweetheart.”

If you ask Chanyeol five months ago if he’d find himself spending every day in the NICU, he would probably get mad at you and send you off. That would be the last place that he’ll find himself in. Five months ago, he would probably say that he’d just finished the nursery for his kids or that he probably brought Baekhyun to their babymoon. He’d probably say something—anything—but living in the NICU. But here he was, marking his second week in the worst place for a parent to be in, holding his childr—wait, _his son_ in his arms. The little Park-Byun was still too small and too light to enter the world but it’s been two weeks and he’s just been proving all his caretakers and most especially his doctors that he’s just as much as a trooper like his carrier father.

Two weeks ago, the lives of the Park-Byuns changed forever. It was a normal Sunday, their grocery day, when Baekhyun felt a wave of nausea and fainted. There were spots of blood and his heartbeat began to slow down. Upon checking, one of his children’s hearts stop beating which led him to an emergency C-section. Everything that happened passed by like a blur. One moment Chanyeol was trying to wake him up in the car and then, the next moment was the doctors asking Chanyeol to make the critical decision on which one to save—the babies or his husband. Choosing his husband meant losing a child or both of his children but choosing his children meant losing his husband. In between his sobs, tears, and begging to save all three, he eventually chose his husband. Those five seconds felt like eternity to Chanyeol, clutching onto Baekhyun’s almost lifeless hand and begging him for forgiveness for his selfishness but for him to wake up as well.

They lost their baby girl a minute after that. Their baby boy was holding onto a thin, thin thread and he didn’t even make it to Chanyeol’s arms because the doctors were ushering the team to do whatever they can to save the remaining child. They were only seven months in, barely 30 grams. In the midst of the chaos, Chanyeol can see his unmoving baby on the left and his wailing baby on the right. Slowly, he put Baekhyun’s hand down to walk to where his children are, sobs leaving his chest as he held on to the small basket they put them in.

 _Mi Cha._ His daughter was curled up, stable, and pale.

 _Mi Cha._ Meaning beauty and daughter.

 _Mi Cha._ Chanyeol’s beautiful daughter.

She is exactly like he envisioned for her to be—small features and delicate fingers, much like his other father. Slowly, he picks up Mi Cha, his cries come to a full stop when his daughter touches his chest. He’s, all of a sudden, aware of how small she is and then his brain jumps to the thought of how big she might be. He kisses her forehead. He kisses her nose. He kisses her cheeks and then he’s crying, crying, and crying again.

“Mi cha, my love.” He whispers. “Daddy loves you. Daddy is so, _so,_ sorry.”

Chanyeol had a lot of plans. Even as a kid, he was just the kind of person who made plans for himself and the people around him. It was a habit—a habit that always sought the best results for everyone. It was just the kind of person that he is. He dreams not only for himself but everyone else.

He had so many dreams for his little family. When he and Baekhyun found out that they were having a girl and a boy, he was so excited for the things that he was going to teach his kids—how to sing, how to dance, how to ride a bike, how to dress up, manners, what to do on the first date—and the things that his kids were going to teach him.

To see half of his dreams go down the drain as he holds his lifeless child in his arms, he can physically feel a part of him break— _I am so sorry, my Mi Cha._

“Daddy didn’t mean to.” He breaks, sobbing loudly again but the room doesn’t mind him. They’re still stitching up his husband while the other team took his other child to another room (it was the NICU but Chanyeol couldn’t comprehend whatever that was at the moment). “Daddy just…” And then he thinks, that there is nothing that he can say that will bring his Mi Cha back. No amount of crying or apologizing will elicit a cry from his little girl. So he brings her closer, not minding the blood patches on his hospital gown because Mi Cha was in the middle of being cleaned when he took her, and cries on her small chest. “I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive, daddy.”

The nurse tells him that it’s time to go. Time to get on with the process. Chanyeol nods, handing over his daughter, still crying. When he turns around, the head doctor tells him that it’s time to bring his husband to the ICU. He’s safe now, they said. He follows Baekhyun’s team of doctors to the ICU, dragging his feet, still feeling his daughter’s figure on him. He thanks the doctors and watches them leave. Baekhyun looks paler now but his heartbeats say that he’s in a lot more stable condition. He kisses the top of his husband’s head before pulling a chair and sitting beside him.

“You did so well, Baek.” He says, a small smile forming on his lips. “You gave birth to two kids—One is—he’s in another room. I’ll meet him in a bit. And Mi Cha—yeah, so—Mi Cha—“ And then he cries again. He grabs his husband’s hand and puts it in front of his mouth, kissing his fingers, apologizing in his every move. “Mi Cha didn’t make it, bub. She didn’t make it. I had to—I had to choose you. Bub, I know, I know but—bubba, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Min Ho… I’ll meet him in a bit. I just wanted to apologize to you first. Mi Cha—bubba, I’m sorry.”

There are a million other things that are running in Chanyeol’s head, all are various versions of apologizing. He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for at this point. For losing their child? For choosing Baekhyun? Up until he forces himself to go out of the ICU to meet his son, he’s crying, not caring what other people would think. It’s the _fucking_ hospital anyway. No one cares. He reaches the NICU in no time and the nurses that open the door welcome him with a smile—a sad smile—upon seeing him trudge inside. He’s given a fresh new hospital gown and he’s led to the sink while a hand sanitizer awaits him on the side.

“Does little Park have a name?” The nurse asks, attempting to make a conversation.

Absentmindedly, Chanyeol nods.

“Yeah,” He sighs. “Min Ho. Min Ho Park-Byun.” Pause. “Can I make a quick call outside? I can just repeat the routine again. Just quick.”

He calls his sister, Yoora, and his kind-of mother-in-law, Mama Eun, to give them a brief background of what happened and to ask them to come over so they can help him fix Mi Cha’s end. He drops the call before they could ask how he is and before he starts crying again. He comes back inside and repeats the sanitation protocol as promised before being allowed to visit the main room.

All of the babies in the NICU are kept in a small incubator. Just like a normal nursery. Except these kids have tubes attached to them, left and right, barely leaving any space for their tiny little bodies. He spots the scribbled words of his last name— _Park Byun Baby Boy—_ and sees his son breathing quietly inside.  A nurse touches his shoulder and urges him to walk forward— _Go meet him, dad._ And so he does. He takes a couple more steps and watches as the small incubator is opened. The nurse lifts the small boy up and hands it to his father. For a split second, the pain is gone. All that matters was his son in his arms.

“Minho-ya.” He coos. “My strong, boy.”

The nurse gives him a quick rundown of what Minho’s condition is. Chanyeol doesn’t hear much except weak heart, water in his head, small left lung, and weak right lung. His little boy moves in his arms and Chanyeol can’t help but break into a smile. Until Minho’s doctor comes in and congratulates him before telling him yet another bad news.

“We’re hopeful for another week.” He says. “He can barely breathe on his own and his lungs are both working so incredibly hard. The water in his head suppresses the oxygen supply in the—“

“You’re saying I have a week with my son?” He asks, stone-cold, surprisingly.

The doctor nods. Decades’ worth of experience makes him immune to sad situations like this.

“Yes.”

“Anything we can do to—“

“We’re looking into surgery.” He says. “But he’s seven months, Mr. Park-Byun.”

“Doc, I already lost one child just an hour ago. Can’t I keep my son this time?”

“I’m going to do my very best. Look into the best alternatives.” The doctor assures him. “But I can’t promise you anything either.”

Chanyeol looks at his son and then at the doctor.

“A week isn’t enough. That isn’t fair and—“

The nurse buts in and introduces Kangaroo care—a technique that requires a skin-to-skin contact between the child and their parent, usually their mothers or their carriers. For a moment, Chanyeol’s eyes spark with excitement. The nurse excuses herself to get a chair for him to get him started. The doctor tells him he’ll try his best to keep his promise before saying that he’ll see them in a couple of hours. When the nurse comes back, she’s holding a monoblock.

“Usually, it’s on the couch over there. I promise to set it up for you later.” She says. “You ready dad?”

Minho is momentarily placed back in his little incubator while Chanyeol takes off his shirt. He sits down comfortably and opens his arms for his son. The two Park-Byuns feel their shoulders relax when they’re settled in. The nurse bids them adieu. It’s just the two of them now.

“Nice to meet you, Minho-ssi.” Chanyeol smiles. “I love you, Minho-ya. Love you so much. Papa’s sleeping right now but he’ll meet you soon, yeah? Daddy loves you so much. Papa loves you. Jesus loves you. Mi Cha loves you.”

He spends the next hour holding his baby, talking to him even though the kid can barely move and couldn’t even open his eyes. Chanyeol understands the phrase “holding the world in his arms” as he watches his son moves ever so slowly while on him. He notices they have similar ear—huge and perky. He will never let him hear the end of it when he grows a little older. His mouth is similar to Baekhyun’s—small, plump, and pouty. He’ll give into whatever his kids wants when the time comes. He feels his heart grow bigger and somehow it feels fuller; fuller than an hour ago and fuller than it has been in the last twenty seven years. Chanyeol’s never been happier to fall apart for another person until Minho.

“You have your own guardian angel now, son.” He whispers. “Mi Cha took that role so early.” The weight in his chest is back but it isn’t as bad. “You’re going to be a good guy, right? A good guy for Papa and Daddy, yeah? Just fight a little more, son.”

And then it’s been eight hours because the nurse is back, telling him that it’s been eight hours and it’s time for her to clock out and she’s asking if he wants to take a rest too. Maybe shower. Reluctantly, he puts down his child and puts back his own shirt. His sister is waiting for him outside the NICU, hands clasped in front of her humbly.

“Noona,” He greets. “Thank you for coming.”

“Baekhyun’s in a normal room now.” She says, grabbing hold of her younger brother’s hand. “He’s been up an hour. Mama Eun is talking to him.”

“Gotta tell him about…”

“He knows.” Yoora squeezes. “He said that he kind of heard you when the doctor asked but that you talked about it too.”

“But I—“ His voice cracks. “I didn’t choose my children, Noona. I’m so lucky Minho pulled through but Mi Cha—“

“Mi Cha’s in the chapel. Baekhyun wanted her there. Our parents are there too.”

He slows down his tracks when Yoora points to Baekhyun’s room.

“Can I do this?” He asks. More to himself than to his sister. “This is—“

“Unimaginable for anyone.” Yoora finishes his sentence off, voice cracking as well. Somehow the pain is also unbearable for his older sister. Family is family. “I can’t even fathom what you’re going through right now, Chan but you have Baekhyun and Minho and that means a lot.”

When he enters the Baekhyun’s room, the entire space is quiet except for small sobs that’s coming from his husband. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, Mama Eun kneeling in front of him, and his hands in hers. Baekhyun senses Chanyeol’s presence so he looks up and reaches for him. Mama Eun stands up and walks to where Yoora is while Chanyeol takes her place—knees on the floor, butt on his leg, and hands on either side of Baekhyun’s thighs.

“You’re not supposed to be sitting like this, bub.” He says. “Your abdomen—“

“Nothing hurts as much as my heart does.” Baekhyun cries, louder now. More vulnerable now that Chanyeol is here. The two women leave the room, quietly pulling the door until it clicks close.

The Park-Byuns are crying, sobbing into each other. Baekhyun has been through so much in the last year—from not wanting to have a child to having two to losing one. It’s been one hell of a rollercoaster ride, one that doesn’t seem to finish and it just feels like he’s constantly going up and down with full force. Chanyeol knows that his husband has had more than enough of what the universe has thrown at him and really, if he could only take even just half of the pain and burden in his husband’s heart, he would. In a heartbeat. No questions asked.

“If I could just switch, you know?” Baekhyun cries. “Switch my life with Mi Cha. That would be more than enough right now.”

Chanyeol wants to argue. He wants to disagree. He wants to say _no, I can’t live my life without you_ because those words didn’t come from his husband. Those words came from Mi Cha’s papa and somehow, that makes sense. They’re parents now and there’s a shift in their hearts that they just can’t explain. Children should never outgrow their parents. Ever. But here they are now.

“I will never know how much it hurts for you,” Chanyeol hiccups. “You carried them for months. I will never, ever understand, bub but I know that in time, everything will be okay. We have Minho, bubba. We have a son.”

“We do.”

“I married a trooper. I know you can do this.” Chanyeol peppers kisses on Baekhyun’s hand. “But let me be here for you, okay?”

Baekhyun nods in between tears and then cries even harder. He removes one of his hands from Chanyeol’s grasp and reaches for his cheeks.

“I know you lost a child too.” He tries his best to control his tears and his voice. “But we have another one. We’re going to be okay.”

And then they cry some more. Cry a little harder for the next half an hour. There’s a huge, huge part of them that is thankful that Minho has pulled through but an equally big part that hurts for Mi Cha’s loss. The natural reaction is to shut down and to push away people and things so there must be a constant reminder that they have to be there for each other—be open; try to understand the things that are hard to comprehend. Their rings glisten against the light of the hospital and it is the only reminder that they need. At least for now.

Baekhyun meets Minho two days later. A part of him was reluctant so he opted to stay where Mi Cha stayed before she was cremated. Chanyeol was patient, almost splitting himself into two just to be in both place at once. He continued with kangaroo care, often missing lunch and dinner just to cuddle his child. Baekhyun was scared. Absolutely fearful that if he meets his child, he might lose him too. His friends and family have been visiting him in the hospital, often missing Chanyeol who was hanging out at the NICU. Another week later when he was discharged, he had to process his own papers because Chanyeol was still out. He decides to take the leap of faith, leaving his bags in the front desk baggage, and takes the steps to the NICU.

The scene that greets him is his half-naked husband with a balloon tied to his wrist and their small, small baby in his arms. Baekhyun doesn’t expect the scene to break and make his heart at the same time. He stays outside by the door, hand playing with his ring as he watches his husband seemingly have a flowing conversation with their little boy—little Minho.

“Excuse me,” A nurse taps his shoulder. “You wanna go in, Pops?”

Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ready. He thinks standing by the door and watching through the window is more than enough right now but somehow his feet betray him as they make their way to the sanitation area where he’s given another hospital gown and is asked to wash his hands. He stands by the door, just watching Chanyeol fully engrossed with their son—making face, talking, and kissing his nimble fingers.

“Go ahead, Pops. They’ve been waiting.”

He slowly makes his way to the two. He sees a sea of incubators around him and a lot of half-naked parents holding their children. He stops when his head bumps into Chanyeol’s waving balloon. Their conversation comes into an abrupt halt and Chanyeol looks confused and then he beams right after.

“Hi Papa,” Chanyeol smiles and then he turns to Minho again. “Papa’s here. I told you he’ll come soon.” Little Minho shows some movements and Chanyeol responds with a hush. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“Why the balloon?” Baekhyun asks, poking the thing with his finger. “Aren’t you cold, bub?”

“Ming is keeping me warm.” He gestures to their child. “Right, Ming?”

“Ming?”

“Not really sure how it came about but the nickname fits, don’t you think?”

“And the balloon?”

Chanyeol looks at the balloon—a grateful smile on his face.

“His doctor said he wouldn’t make it a week.” It breaks his heart to have to say it out loud. “But it’s his second week today and he’s stronger than ever.”

Baekhyun starts crying. His shoulders shaking and then his entire face turning red. He didn’t mean to shut off his son for two weeks. He really didn’t mean to be this bad of a parent but things were just…out of place. Chanyeol reaches for his hand that was rubbing his eyes and he presses a kiss on his knuckles.

“It’s okay, Bubby.” Chanyeol hushes. “Ming and I waited just fine. Do you wanna hold him?”

All of his fears and worries are thrown out the window. Chanyeol stands up and motions for him to remove his shirt. Baekhyun does as he’s told although his arms automatically wrap around his chest as a response to being publicly naked.

“Beautiful, my bubby.” Chanyeol coos. “Show Ming your battle scar.”

That he does. Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s previous seat and settles himself in before opening his arms for his little love. Chanyeol hands him over, feeling over the moon with the sight in front of him. He puts on his shirt and watches at how naturally Baekhyun takes over. In the last few weeks, all that was written on his husband’s face was distraught and pain but now he’s smiling, cooing even, and kissing the top of their son’s head.

“Minho-ya,” Baekhyun calls out. “I’m sorry it took a little while. I had to settle things with your guardian angel.”

“That’s what I said about Mi Cha.” Chanyeol grins, plopping in front of Baekhyun’s legs. “His guardian angel.”

“Is that what daddy said? Daddy’s been your best friend, huh? He’s great, isn’t he? He’s the love of my life, Minho-ya.” He fixes his little bonnet before tapping his forehead with his index finger lightly. “You’re the love of my life too. Daddy doesn’t mind sharing. Right, daddy?”

Chanyeol has tears brimming in his eyes as he nods. One of his hands is settled on Baekhyun’s thigh while the other is gripping his own leg. The sight in front of him was everything that he wanted and more.

“I don’t have an anniversary gift for you today but—“

Baekhyun looks at him, a look of shock on his face.

“Wait, it’s today?”

His husband takes out his phone and shows the time and date— _October 18, 2019 || 8:45AM._ Baekhyun looks embarrassed and Chanyeol has never seen anything cuter.

“Happy Anniversary, bubba.” Chanyeol says, standing up and lifting Baekhyun’s chin to kiss him. “Thank you for Mi Cha and Min ho. Best gift I could ask for.”

“Oh, bubby.” Baekhyun chuckles. In the six years, Chanyeol would’ve been really sulky if he forgot their anniversary. “Happy Anniversary. Best husband in the whole world.” He puckers his lips again for another kiss.

“The only gift I have right now is—“

“Let’s not do gifts this year because I forgot too—“

“No, well, yeah but my only gift is that we can take home Minho next week.” He smiles and it’s an experience to see Baekhyun look extremely happy after all that he’s been through. His mouth hung agape as he looked at his husband and then at his son.

“You’re coming home with daddy and papa soon? Oh, my love.” He kisses his fingers. “I’ll have you know that your daddy’s been an absolute amazing gift giver in the last six years—wait, seven years—that we’re together but this is the best one.”

Baekhyun wipes a tear on his cheek and then pouts his lips for Chanyeol to kiss.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol whispers against his lips. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“And you’re the most patient. We make a good team, huh?” Baekhyun turns his attention to his child. “I’m so lucky to have you on this team. I’m gonna try to be the best papa in the world, yeah? Yeah, Ming? My papa wasn’t very nice but I’ll try to be the best for you, yeah? Daddy’s gonna be there too. You, Papa, and Daddy, yeah?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tweet me your favorite quote, line, and/or scene from the chapter! 
> 
> Leave a comment! 
> 
> hug!
> 
> YES ALSO I KNOW ITS A WEIRD ENDING BUT I FELL ASLEEP AND LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT


End file.
